The toilet of England

Some of you may have picked up on my occasional and subtle support for my home town of Hull. This week there is yet further cause for the former City of Culture to celebrate. Alongside less deserving destinations, such as Stonehenge and the British Museum, this week the Lonely Planet has awarded a Hull landmark with a place on its ‘Ultimate UK Travel List’. The Deep? William Wilberforce’s House? No. The accolade instead goes to the public toilet on Victoria Pier. Having personally inspected the premises, I can attest that these might be some of the most attractively decorated public toilets in the UK. Located close to Hull’s former ferry terminal, they feature original Edwardian art nouveau features, a set of scales and various flora. If you’re in the area and need to spend a penny, they come highly recommended. If you’re visiting with other intentions in mind, however, beware. The Welsh town of Porthcawl has recently announced that it will be implementing a new form of smart toilets that pick up and respond to various nefarious activities. Drug users and smokers will for instance be treated to a soaking from a series of water jets. Meanwhile, a weight sensing floor mechanism detects if there is more than one occupant in the cubicle, sounds an alarm and ejects any canoodlers onto the street; much to their embarrassment. Not such an issue in Hull, where this week an amorous couple were found expressing their explicit affection for each other on an unlandscaped traffic island in the city centre. It’s never dull in Hull.